sleep

on Friday morning, i woke
a different person
than the one
i have been for
the last week

not enough sleep
as i woke up 5 times at least
to the sounds of coughing
and piercing screams
and leg aches that needed tending to

my head full of raw rice
and plaster
and oil left too long
slowing my thoughts
so words felt heavy
and irritation seeped from inside out
and outside, in

as I curled inside my
brain
watching my thoughts
like molasses go uphill on a cold day
as my mind watched me
watching it

both of us disappointed in each other
i blamed it for the failed mechanisms
not able to function on broken sleep
for the last week
where is your defence mechanism?
when I need it
it blamed me for my impatience
and high expectations

drink some tea, it suggested
or coffee
or cups of coffee

and I refused
because I needed sleep
not stimulants

and I refused
because I needed to slow down
and I couldn’t

and I refused
because the ladder to success was too long
and I never wanted to climb it
and if I jump now
will I break my legs, or
worse?

but time passes,
and phlegm has a way of coming out
and coughs get better
and nightmares don’t happen every night
and leg aches can be solved with
5 ml of orange-flavoured pamol

so, on Friday morning, I woke
surprised to see

a rainbow a few inches above my head
followed me as i got out of
bed, had tea
a pair of new
rose-tinted glasses
to look at the world

my face itching to smile
my mouth full of honey-laden words
ready to burst out
the smell of jasmine
with each step i took

i checked in with my brain
to say hello
and maybe apologise
the raw rice and plaster and oil
had disappeared
my thoughts whizzing past each other

at a faster speed
no longer like molasses
connecting with all of my selves,
past, present and future
my apology accepted

as i continued to make my way
up the ladder
of success
begrudgingly
but with a good night of

sleep