the friendship that never was

is coming to an end
without a beginning
where time stretched
with each idea shared
laden with hope for the future

i don’t remember faces,
and names are like –
blue morpho butterflies
hard to catch

but words are another story
my two ears like venus fly traps
catching all of them words
holding on to them
until they dissolved
and etched
within the folds of my brain

but the friendship that never was
lacked substance
and soon
power crept through the roots
catching me unawares

wiping away my smile
so it no longer reached my eyes
when i gazed at the words
you performed
as i toyed with those etched into my mind
two different you

my body feels out of place
stuck between the
you that is now
and
the you
that never was

but hope was another word
that i absorbed from your skin
and i was not yet ready to give up

so i dug around in my brain
cajoling lost words
convoluted into each other
that were spoken by you
to come forward, be brave
so i can gift them back to you

in case you have forgotten
yourself
or the one you performed for me
from the beginning, that never was
to find the you that never was

and as i passed the words
from me to you
i saw the puzzled look on your face
these were not your words
with disgust, you picked them all up
one by one, then a handful

and swung them towards the tallest tree
rooted behind you
not as strong as the power you hold

and i knew
there was no you
like the one i knew

so tonight
as i stand under this waterfall
the cold piercing through my bones
befitting of a sorrowful ending

i shake my head
from side to side
and the words tumble out
of my ears
now broken venus fly traps
sliding down, finally free, they scream

yet one is left
clinging to the back of my fingers
and i pick a jagged rock

what use is hope to me now?
and i peel out each of the
four letters
one by one

my knuckles raw
bruised and bloody

i stop only
when hope disappears

and i let go of the breath
i was holding
and i let go
of the friendship that never was