is relative to what was then (sleep-ins) what is now (not sleep-ins) what will be later (what sleep-ins?) valuing spending your time on with doing or not so mothering is cuddles with my toddler loving him is loving parts of me wet kisses all day long i don't feel so lonely (sometimes a little stifling) … Continue reading mothering →

has a nightmare 2am wakes up screaming blood-curdling absolute nightmare to calm so i hold my sun burning my arms we talk about the monster what color, i ask? yellow, he says what shape, i ask? circle, he says how big is it, i ask big like you, he says a night lamp on our … Continue reading my sun →

myself for the next few weeks until the end of this year and the beginning of new simply, step 1: bare feet most of the time step 2: touching the ground (hands acceptable too) sometimes treading lightly other times, a firm stance horizontal or vertical diagonal even distraction from the distraction for ex, if the … Continue reading grounding →

listen to this hear you out read another message an email a news article have a conversation on repeat words tire me out easily spoken from someone's mouth voices everywhere ssshh shut up let me play with my son dig some holes hold a slater aka isopoda while he watches it curl into a ball … Continue reading I don’t want to →

and an empty house to be by yourself with yourself the silence around you an antithesis to the noise inside you so then curtains withdrawn 'and there was light' music on blast nusrat fateh ali khan already in a suroor a ball in your hand now against the wall rebounding like all your friendships let … Continue reading A few hours →

you have been up since 5am sleeping for less than 4 hours toddler night terrors not fun some cuddling wanting comforting this isn't new always happens when you have something important to do like pitching an idea or sitting for an exam or taking a flight or speaking at the parliament every single time on … Continue reading the last pot →

i don't remember faces very well neither bodies nor what you wear what you sound like but i remember your eyes the intimacy i get to share with them with you for a moment for a lifetime like i remember the first pair of eyes i worshipped were my sisters not as dark as mine … Continue reading your eyes →

no matter how difficult you make it for me to sit in your circles you cannot stop me i have fought many wars some visible others not so against poverty when the only water i drank stank of rats and cockroaches when the guests ate first and sometimes there was no food left when i … Continue reading my fight is not over →

i have a dark room more like a closet think harry potter bare walls a couch freudian couch sorry skinner now i spend time in there sometimes 5 min sometimes 30 today i spent an hour the rule is no phones no devices nothing except my thoughts ideas suffering facing it all without any pretence … Continue reading time in the dark room →

even when you shouldn't tightly it hurts your hands bleeding grip slipping cursing in pain i need you to let go says your mind listen to it but wait, you hold on one last time, you say maybe this will be different not at all like the previous times not true and you know this … Continue reading hold on →