migraine

it has been
24 hours,
since this battle
two bodies
a stand-off
built like walls

i see the sweat
dripping
or is it paint
the intensity
now
merged into one
and (an)other

myself in a battle
with
this pain

a frequent visitor
mostly unannounced
likes to stay too long
so it becomes furniture

until it wakes up
from its slumber
shakes off the dust
twists and turns
a reminder
it has returned

my pain
playing ping pong
in slow motion
warming up
eye to ear
ear to eye
back and forth
i stand still
mesmerised

now, it is showing off
5 ping pong balls
all at once
sometimes in parallel
in order
mostly chaos
dodging each other
one end to (an)other

my pain
the electric current
pulsating like
when you come too close
suddenly
our eyes meet
i freeze

pins and needles
i shake my head from side to side
the ping pong balls
lose their trajectory

or a memory
lodged in this time
displaced in another
a splinter
i want to trace my fingers
the patterns on you

now
this pain
travelling to the other side
i want to cry
so pathetic
i try to cry

relaxing my upper face

breathing through my mouth
careful not to scrunch my eyes
or crush my jaw

and now the nausea
returns
at the ordinary-ness
of life
until-death commitments
i have

as I try to
stack the dishes
one on top of another
a pile of laundry to fold

the layer of dust
on surfaces hard to reach

i decide to flip
a coin
head: i try
tail: i laugh
and i laugh and laugh
and i can’t stop
my performance is for you
a facade
to embrace the
monotony

envisioning the ordinary-ness yet
to have
and happen

my pain
listens to the story
as i weave and weave
and spin and spun

the build-up of
arrival or departure
everything swirls
including
the chai and paratha

as i vomit

i birth this poem,
an experience into existence
while
my body births a non-birth

both,
the remnants of a losing
battle