you – the dream

last night
or was it the early hours of to-day
i had a dream
i was standing on a ship
lost at sea

wondering
whether 
i’d jump 
just to see
what it would feel like
when i become one with the
water 

instead, i see a plane
all colourful
like the drawing of my 4-year old
it is red and blue
pink and black
yellow and green
trying to take off
in the middle of the sea

i get the irony
halfway up 
and i see it coming down
what goes up 
comes down
newton’s third law
how strange

now crashing into the ship
my worst nightmare
at a different place
a different home
steering clear of windows

mama said, you always had a wild imagination
maybe my body was funny
experiencing things it wasn’t meant to
none of my concern – literally

people scream
where are my headphones
my loved one runs away
already abandoned
what did i expect

i make my way too
i don’t know where
there is nothing left
many hours later
i don’t know how 
i lost time in this dream
oh, what a nightmare

i am standing outside 
at the place
i recently occupied
you are here, too
but who are you?

i have never met you
not even in my previous dreams
yet you look so familiar
an old friend

you ask, what have i lost
as i rush around
i say, my eyeliner
i need to find it
and my glasses
but no one wants to help me
i sound pitiful

you hold my hand
and tell me not to let you go
your hands are familiar
rough
as if they have been wrung in 
wrung out
wrung in
wrung out

but you look so young
maybe age really is 
just a number 
my body against yours
you tell me to follow you
quietly
all is dark
all is quiet

we are here, you say
i can’t see anything
but i feel it 
as i walk 
warmth
are they bodies
flesh

i ask you to light up the room
so i can find my eyeliner
and my glasses
and i have just remembered 
my book 
on intersectionality
i need to get back to my studies, i whisper
look at the world through a critical lens

you say you cannot 
make the room lit
shake your head
you tell me to keep my head up
not look down
but it is 
so dark

when have i ever listened before
i want my eyeliner
and my glasses
and my book
i insist
so you give in 
you light the room

with the palm of your hands
are you god
i wonder
as i look at you again
and your hands
as the light leaves them
and surrounds us

and i look down 
and i scream
and you tell me
to gather my memories
it is time to let go
this is 

the end
looks lifeless
while i mourn
i am formless 
wondering

as i look at you
cognizing
as i really see you
re-cognizing
you are me
i am you 

we always were
i pick up the eyeliner
the book
the cell phone

the earth opens up
we hold hands
we shatter
i wake up

this is my dream
but not my reality
so, whose pain do i feel
and why

it is 9:16 pm 
the dream long gone
but 
i remember your face
the same as me