to be

i need to learn 
how to seek a 
accept a
distraction

i need to learn
how to laugh 
not silently
when you laugh

i need to learn
how to give in
to whatever pleasures
are promised
by this world
full of distractions
i need

to learn
not to sit alone
in the dark
meditating about 
what is bothering 
me
the world

i need to learn
to have some fun
what does that look like
a drink or two 
or three
(cups of chai)

i need to learn
to play with excesses
hold your gaze for a little longer
watch the smile reach your 
eyes

i need to learn
to draw a straight line
or wiggly
between what is good
and what
i need

to learn 
to live a little
life is passing by
my hair turning white

i need to learn 
to not do this:
create something 
questionable
out of my pain

like these words
on this paper

instead

to be
normal

i need to learn
to not spend the next ½ hr
exercising
or watch the leaves sway
the wind whistle
or write about them
 
but to be 
normal
even when it is not