falling in love

i am slowly, sweetly, surely

falling in love

being a mother

your mother

i look forward to our conversations

your incessant questions

welcome,

about everything around you

and me

i am healing

you are the image of me

a dream come true

a vision comes to mind

a long time ago

where i am walking all alone a path

wishing i had someone

begging

next to me

holding my hand

asking me all the questions

seeing the wonder around them

falling in love with nature

with life

with spirit

embracing gaia

like i did

i am healing

to give to you

what i did not have

like:

enough

time

space

knowledge

guidance

from elders

my mother

because it wasn’t meant to be

no-fault

apart from the system

i divert

digressions

your jokes

about poos,

and farts

i cherish them

giggle with you

let you fool me

think you are embarrassing me

‘mama, you poop.’

‘ami, you poop.’

‘sehar, you poop.’

you try

all the iterations

because i laugh

how can i not?

i look forward to our walks

looking for mushrooms

and different coloured leaves

and insects

why the sun gives so much light

watching gruelling videos

to me, for you

first thing in the morning

a fight between a tarantula and a scorpion

or why do farts smell so bad

you are like the sponge i was

only difference

you get to be the sponge

and nothing else

soaking everything around you

so beautiful

so innocent

and i am slowly

sweetly

surely

falling in love

with you,

my son,

my jaan,

a piece of my soul

allowing myself to

finally

accept

i can love you

even if it means

someday losing you