some nights I wake up from
a bad dream
tears pooling
maybe a nightmare, then
monsters chasing
fireballs
and bullets
broken legs
the stuff of nightmares, really
chaos
all of me
all for me
all at me
amidst all this
is a face
unknown to me
for years
watching
those eyes
never malicious
always the same, gentle,
even when I jump off a building
or choke on blood
from a bullet, perhaps or
tied
tired of the pain
those eyes watch, kind
pain turning into peace
and when I wake up
amidst all this
i remember those eyes
thanking god
you
or is god
you
or me
god, you, me
all the same
and different
so
there’s someone
i’m not alone in my suffering
doesn’t last long
you, not the suffering
which is neverending
where are you
when I wake up?
so vulnerable
and all the moments after
until I see you again
surrounded by pain
you are the stuff of nightmares, only
To live or to exist 