A year ago

this thing happened

common occurrence really

much to my annoyance

experienced it before (and before x too many)

still it felt raw

i felt stupid

for letting my guard down

i miscalculated

friendship

passion

at the time

there was so much hurt

oh the injustice

to be a pawn

oh wait, maybe

a cog

in the wheel

make it a machine

and here i thought

i was one of the pods

in the pea

a little more

significant

a little like

family

the betrayal

the insecurity

it reminded me of a

time long ago

a forced choice

my first ever

leaving someone behind

that i really really loved

cared for

couldn’t live without

yet i did

erasing

each and every memory

or was it burying

and forgot

their existence

made another place

home

so

a year ago

when this thing

happened and

you said

distance is what everyone

needs

things will be

back to normal

you smiled

you coward

i trusted you

to be the adult

making me feel

irresponsible

not very sensible

such an easy decision

huh?

you reminded me

that

i was young

places to go

to let this place go

for the greater good

your words laden

with honey

who cares if a few lives

shattered in the process

one of them being

someone i care about

where you saw

peace

i saw

privilege

and i warned you

i don’t look back

call it a coping mechanism

a year later

only in passing

i remember the

drama

i don’t get

drawn into anymore

not my monkeys

never a fan of circus

you were right

i am young

and

i have places to go

(if i want to that is)

not my cup of tea

i like my tea

in quiet

alone

maybe with a book

and it has been

a great learning curve

this past year

i don’t remember

a lot of the details

my mind already

filing it all away

labelled under

‘unrepeatable events’

and

if i saw you

ever again

in passing

a coincidence

i might smile

forgetting all that had

happened

a year ago

and your part in

the parting

or hug you

if that happens

please

don’t mistake

my forgetfulness

for friendship

or forgiveness