I don’t want to

listen to this

hear you out

read another message

an email

a news article

have a conversation

on repeat

words tire me out

easily

spoken from someone’s mouth

voices

everywhere

ssshh

shut up

let me play

with my son

dig some holes

hold a slater

aka isopoda

while he watches it curl

into a ball

or admire the empty

shell of a snail

the sun (s-o-n)

shining all around

me

let me read

to his majesty

when he points at

everything

and everyone

‘what’s this mama?’

let me dance

swirling him around

again and again

he says

‘lound and lound’

as we go

let me breathe

deeply when

he snuggles next to me

finding the space between

still fits perfectly

let me watch him

as he watches me

feed the birds

pecking at the seeds

nestling in the palm

of my hands

let me experience

the world

the beauty

the physicality

with him

because

these are the moments

when i am

the whole of me

all of it

tired

fulfilled

exhausted

concentrating

waiting for his bedtime

present in

all these moments

…

all these moments

accumulate

(d)

for him

for me

because you see

he has to grow in this

world

a world stranger to me

scary sometimes

overwhelming

this constant need

to do something

with someone

words buzzing around

hey man, where is the self-reflection?

need

self-refraction

so i hope

when he feels the world

growing on

around him

maybe suffocating

he remembers

to experience

the good the bad the ugly

and all the shades

in between

instead of being stuck

with the voices

the words

the images

i don’t want to

leave him in a world

to fend for himself

emotions running havoc

without him knowing

how to let them be

which means

i don’t want to

do what you

*the world

want(s) me to do

i don’t want

to

really

no