we are friends

you insist

disregarding

refusing to

believe

when I tell you

how

difficult

it is

to maintain any

sort of

connection

in general

with anyone

a long distance

between phone calls

months maybe

not hearing the voice

of a loved one

not even a whisper

a pause between answering

texts

coffee date?

no thank you

or lunch with a mate

my mind dishing excuses

no no no

but

but you and i

you stammer

there is something

deep

meaningful

you insist

sure

i don’t refute

my interactions

are generally intense

filled with metaphors

of possibilities

for you and i

and you you and you

so many you

all of you

of course

you can’t understand

you don’t want to

instead you

joke

not worth laughing

another trial

then

it is okay to be

vulnerable

you prescribe

and

you misinterpret

my eye roll

for a tear

loose the tough

exterior

you advice

now my yawn

trying to be polite

make eye contact

you command

oh fuck off

i am done

this isn’t an exterior

my interior

is my exterior

cold heartedness

still

a sensation

i don’t understand

friendships

most relationships

after failing miserably

at so many

i prefer solitude

sitting in a dark room

even my loved ones

can be suffocating

strolling the beach

late at night

no company wanted

needed

you see

long time ago

there was a chance

at friendship

when i hadn’t met you

knew you even existed

and then this

this and this happened

in between

not meeting and meeting you

can you reverse

all of the above

then

maybe we can have a

chance at a

mediocre friendship

meaningful to you

holding on to a me

that does not exist

meagre to me

now you are a distant

memory

blurry

even when you stand

here

or a message from

another

you

shame on you

expecting that

a 2-dimensional

you

i’d call a friend

flat against the screen

words pressed together

so much unsaid

incomplete

more than

but never friends

we