my fight is not over

no matter how difficult you make it

for me to sit in your circles

you cannot stop me

i have fought many wars

some visible

others not so

against poverty

when the only water i drank

stank of rats and cockroaches

when the guests ate first

and sometimes there was no food left

when i wanted to learn

knowledge, always knowledge

when i wanted to be with friends

but the message was loud and clear

no fees paid

get out of the classroom

when the violence at home

was a norm

people who were meant to love

hurt

i realised

power is real

power has wrecked so much

havoc in my life

slowly

sadness left

replaced by anger

against all that is wrong

with the system

that reinforces those in

power

so

now

it has been months

i have been preparing for this

since the last lockdown

wanting to research about

something that is close to

my heart

i think about it

every

single

day

i have lived it

i have survived it

and i learnt more about it

because lived experiences did not count

you said

so i

made connections

with the best in the field

some became friends

some a spiritual connection

breaking borders

i was prepared

this would be four years of my life

thinking

how

studying full time

being a mother

being the primary provider

will i manage?

many questions

not many answers

but i knew

the one truth

relative of course

i still wanted this

if i don’t do this

it will be my biggest regret

so

now it has been

a few months later

and i am still waiting

you want more signatures

more delays

you said i am not eligible

for the scholarship

yes, i am

i kept insisting

no, you are not

you kept up the pretense

i had backup

people who believe in me

who vouched for me

you gave in

but now

there are more delays

more signatures

unnecessary delays

you want me to ask our prime minister?

for a signature as well

my life is on hold

i am angry

a part of me wants to tell you

i am done

i will take my research somewhere else

but a friend tells me

you need to be in the arena

you cannot back down

welcome to the world

of bureaucracy

the tears that sting my eyes

stinks

are of anger

but for now

i am patient

i will wait

not concede

this is just the beginning

of many other beginnings

my fight is not over