an idea

sometimes

an idea

pops into my head

literally

crashing down even

surprising me

like a bolt

of electricity

hey

stop being so dramatic

but seriously

i can’t rid of it

i have to think

about it

at all times

must

absolutely

visualising

picturing

thinking

what would it feel like

what would it be like

weaving

into stories

that may never come true

(sometimes do)

remain stories

that idea

i breathe it

24/7

sometimes useless

not useful

like the previous line

mostly though

hopeful

something to look forward

something to dampen

the suffering

no, i mean

to make it

worthy

i have had a

multitude of ideas

since the beginning of my time

my awareness

pouring down like

rain

keeping me up at night

sometimes dark

and toxic

ideas that should not

ever exist

but they do

i let them be

i try not to chase them

away

because then

they come back with

a vengeance

shrivelling my existence

into nothing

but their toxicity

their darkness

an idea can last for days

or months

tick tock, tick tock

once i had an idea

so beautiful

full of hope

complete

and it lasted

for

20 years

embedded into

my brain

in its folds

neural pathways

lightning up

like firecrackers

intermittently

throughout the day

for 20 long years

and then

it was

gone

poof

disappeared into

thin air

i didn’t

search for it

conjure it up

instead

let it go, i did

some days i feel

empty because

that idea was

like an old friend

providing comfort

but

i should not complain

there are other ideas

already snuggling in

where THE idea was

stealing my attention

dividing it

‘think me’ ‘think me’

which i do

oblige

i am

after all

their

humble servant

forever

and they know it too