‘What’s the book?’

i am reading

waiting for my flight

it has been delayed

annoyed

i could have spent some more time

with my son this

morning

he was upset

my thoughts swirl

how long do i do this

some days are harder

now i see a security guard

i am curious

he is checking

talking on his earpiece

seats

there are empty ones

mostly

people have left

our flight is delayed

my husband rings

how was the drop off, i ask

he was fine

make sure to buy a vegetable, i say

maybe half a pumpkin

he has to take one to daycare

for soup

the driver this morning

was going to take the long route

i am annoyed

i speak fast

in urdu

my voice is hoarse

nowadays

need to get it checked

i could have been late

because of the driver

i say good bye to my husband

see you at 7 tonight

long day, i think to myself

back to reading

interesting how relations are formed

arbitrarily and non-

what examples can i give to my students?

what props could i use for the lecture?

i am writing ideas as i read

the fire alarm goes off

apparently we have to evacuate

no body is moving, i see

the security guard is with the airport crew

i shrug

start to pack my bags

text my husband in annoyance

he responds, lol

‘attention, attention’

‘you do not have to evacuate’

the speaker is loud

people around me laugh

not funny at all

i unpack my bag

start reading again

scribbling

an idea is forming

this is a tough topic

but will be interesting to deliver

so engrossed that i don’t

notice you

towering over me

i am suprised

you smile, like most woman are conditioned to

i look at your uniform

you are with the airport

but no name tag

no designation

different uniform

you ask, what are you reading

its a book on rules, i say

my body in full alert

processing

the security guard

the fire alarm

what is the name of the book, you ask

mind your own business, i think

‘Relational Frame Theory’, i say

a theory on associations formed by our minds,

the rigidity of our rules, i say

why are you reading it, you ask

you still smiling

i staring at you

i am a psychologist

i am preparing for a lecture at the university

lots of psychology going around today, you say

have a good flight, you add

walk way

look back

i still stare at you

you stop

the next person

white man

he is confused, looking at me

you talk to him

two seconds

then walk away

i say to myself

this was a coincidence

she was just being nice

she was really interested in what you were reading

a prime example of relations

the security guard

the fire alarm

a person in authority questioning you

out of the blue

just a coincidence

but

then

i don’t think so

so my question to you is:

how did you profile me?

i did not have a visible beard

i am not covering my head

or my body

was it my bright red coat

or my wild hair

or the nose ring

or was it my reading

and writing notes

all the behaviours i engaged in

none of them grounds

for profiling

masking my identity

so my otherness

is not noticeable

oh wait,

my brown skin

that otherness

i was the only brown person

in the lounge

i wonder what would happen

if i didn’t have the ‘right’ answers

to your satisfication

didn’t speak english

or got upset

actually i don’t want to wonder

i am sick of this

tired of this

no matter how many boxes i think

i have ticked

never enough

so what i couldn’t say to you

then

i say it now

leave me the fuck alone

your perspective limited

your rules rigid

i know i can never be a part of your world

but stop inching your way into

mine

oh wait, that’s

colonisation