Knock, knock

whose there?

but you know

expected

expecting him

but

go away, I am not ready

you tell him

like I care, he sniggers

you are quiet

he knocks again

you pretend no one

is home

for a long time

silence on both ends

then receding footsteps

a sigh of relief

then

suddenly

anger sitting beside you

gets up, ready to leave

I am spent, she says

you are, she means

you beg her

to stay a little longer

you need the fight

you need the energy

sorry, she mouths

walking away

he is back

louder this time

you cover your ears

not now

not ready, you keep repeating

let me in, he sings

there is no other way

you know this too

you try and grab

her

hold on to her

but not for long

she is slipping away

you are slipping

your energy draining

she is almost gone

the door opening

her receding

nothing but a shadow

replaced by another

the one you dread

he enters

you refuse to look at him

you don’t want him

you remember the last time

but he is here

moving around

removing all light

all the things that matter

to you

gives you meaning

life

distraction

love

belonging

connection

removing them

flinging them

one by one

I am all you need

his actions louder than

words

you can feel

emptiness

around you

surrounding you

inside you

now

he is sitting

opposite you

you keep your vigil

of silence

holding on to it

so you can deny

his presence

his existence

he waits

staring

patiently

he is not leaving

neither can you

what is the rule? he whispers

you say nothing

you won’t say it

minutes pass

or maybe hours

what is the rule? he demands

or maybe days

your silence won’t protect you

can’t protect you

or maybe months

so finally you

give in

‘surrender’, you sigh