When out to get some essentials this morning, I noticed more than usual number of people out and about since covid-19 lockdown began. Being the odd anxious one, both by nature and clinically diagnosed, this sense of normalcy within people made me anxious and worried. It reminded me of the same feeling when as a child you would return from a holiday at your cousin’s house with an ideal perfectly structured family, back to your own troubled dysfunctional home. Or like a shy introvert child’s first day at school, who absolutely hates it. I carry an excessive emotional baggage resulting from a chaotic childhood and teenage years that can be attributed to lack of guidance and support system followed by hardships to survive and support my family as young adult.
I am less bothered or worried about the COVID situation, because unlike the situations I have been all my life, this is not affecting only me, entire world is involved in it and the onus is not me to provide a solution. For the first time I feel like a child who can just be a child, and do nothing while the grown-ups are doing everything to support, protect and provide.
I feel lucky to be living in a country where the government is taking timely decisions to deal, provide and support us – unlike other countries where more people are dying, but due to hunger, where a mother had to drown her five children in the river because she cant feed them and cant see them die slowly suffering from hunger – what a dreadful choice a mother had to make. Where people are scavenging through rubbish for rotten fruits, vegetables and food to feed themselves at least once every two to three days. Where a man has to push his 4 children and disabled mother in cart for 12 kms in search of food, where a mother and her two girls walked 252 kms to another city in scorching heat. My heart goes out for all those people and pray for them to survive this event.
I am grateful to God for keeping me alive and well in this situation without having to go through all this.
My beard is growing fast and so is my intolerance to people with full of self-entitlement, moaning and complaining about the ‘struggles’ of staying within the bubbles, people who think what they are being provided is their entitlement, which is in actuality a privilege. As if going out, getting drunk with people and sharing nonsensical natter about each other is essential to live a normal life.
People don’t realise they have been living in a bubble all their lives, bubble of self indulgence, self worthiness, feeding on attention from others, seeking validation of their being, on how to live, look, exist.
This phenomenon has made us realise that you are not out of reach, not immune to a pandemic, or any event that can affect each and every one of us, regardless of our belief systems, lifestyles, differences or similarities.
This is the time to be grateful to be able to survive, not having fun or just feeling good about ourselves.
I have been asked how I am “coping” in self isolation. For me living in a “bubble” is a respite from my extremely busy work life.
Given the social pariah I am, who finds social interaction unnecessary to say the least, Covid has been an excuse for me to self isolate without having to explain myself. I find working from home ideal, saves from having to interact and patronise with people, exchanging unnecessary pleasantries and smile for no reason at all.
If anything self-isolation has allowed me to relax and enjoy my solitude. It would have been a perfect life for me if only camping was allowed during this lockdown. I secretly wish I could carry on with this lifestyle.
Anon
To live or to exist 